Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well that night. I tossed and turned trying to make sense of what had just happened until 5 or 6 am. Birds were chirping and the sun was starting to shine through my window by the time I was finally able to fall asleep. When I woke up later that afternoon, I laid there in a daze? The night seemed so far away already. Was it just a dream? Was it a one night thing? I was scared to see Dylan in the daylight, I felt like I needed the confidence of the night or it was going to be awkward as fuck. And what was he thinking about all of this?? He was one of my best friends and I didn’t want to lose that more than anything. A text notification on my phone buzzed and scared me back to the present. I didn’t even want to look at it though, terrified that it would be Dylan rejecting me. I ignored it for a few minutes, still laying in bed until it buzzed again. “Fuck,” I thought as I took a deep breath and prepared for the worst. I sat up in bed, wearing only a pair of loose fitting pajama pants, my boxers, pants, and shirt from the previous night were strewn on the floor, still somewhat damp from putting them on when we were wet from the shower. Grabbing my phone, I slowly exhaled as I unlocked the screen, and immediately was overcome with relief. It was just a couple of texts from Chris. I debated texting Dylan first, but didn’t even know what to say, so I opened up Chris’ messages. “Hey man, it’s movie night, you in?” And the second message, “Wake the fuck up lazy ass, we weren’t out that late lol.” Chris was a projectionist at the local theatre. It was small, only 2 screens, but it was the ‘cool place’ to hang out for me and my friends. Whenever a new movie came in, Chris had to preview it before opening night to make sure everything ran fine, and he’d always invite a bunch of us to join in. It was always sweet to have the theatre to ourselves, feet up on the seats, stealing concessions, talking and fucking around during the movie without a crowd, it was always a fun night. Even if the movie sucked, that wasn’t the point. “Hell yea, always,” I replied, “What time?” I saw the bubbles of him texting me back right away. “Let’s shoot for 11.” “Sweet, who’s all coming tonight?” “I’m sending out texts now, probably just the normal crew tho. Why, you got someone special you wanna invite? ;)” The winky face emoji made me instantly paranoid. Was he asking if I wanted Dylan there? Did he know what happened? Fuck!! It was all dumb though, Dylan was already part of the ‘normal crew,’ of course he would be there. Fuck. Of course he would be there. I quickly typed back to Chris to ease my mind, “Nah, just curious, I’ll hit you up later when I’m on my way.” I sighed, anxious as hell now. I knew I’d have to talk to Dylan eventually about this, but I was hoping I’d have more time to think and process things a little first. Maybe he won’t come tonight, I thought to myself. But that thought actually made me feel disappointed. As scared as I was, I wanted to see him, to see that smile and those eyes. What the hell was going on, I’d never felt this way. But then again, I’d never done anything like last night. I debated texting Dylan one more time before deciding against if for now, and got up to go take a shower. Time to start the day I guess. I went to the bathroom and turned on the shower, giving it a little time to warm up. I stripped out of my pajama pants and stood naked, staring at my thin, smooth body in the mirror for a moment. “I’m decent looking, right?” I thought to myself, “He’s obviously attracted to me in some way,” I tried to convince myself. I shook the thought from my mind, not even sure where I wanted the idea to go, and stepped into the shower. The water was warm and felt great. It was relaxing and seemed to push my anxiousness aside for the time being at least. I closed my eyes, and couldn’t help but think about last night. I put my head under the water stream and couldn’t help but wish I felt Dylan’s hand reach out and grab my dick again. The thought started to get me aroused, and I almost started masturbating, but a sort of guilty anxiety, mostly about my uncertainty of Dylan’s feelings, stopped me from going any further. After I showered, I went back to my room and slipped on a pair of clean boxers before sitting on the side of my bed. I opened my phone again, hoping both to see and not to see a text from Dylan. There was nothing, so I laid back on my bed and stared at the ceiling and just tried to think about nothing for a bit. “Fuck it,” I thought as I sighed and got up, “I can’t change anything about what happened, I just have to nut up and talk to him.” I stood and opened my phone again, and started a text to him as I paced in my bedroom. It showed the last message I had from him, from last night before all of us got together. “I’m always in,” it read, “Let’s have some fun tonight :)” It seemed innocent enough 24 hours ago, but now I couldn’t help but try and see some deeper meaning in that smiley emoji. I started typing, trying to be as nonchalant as I could be: “Hey man” Send. “Smooth,” I thought sarcastically to myself, “Fucking lame.” But whatever, it was sent, so nothing more I could do right now. I slipped on a pair of black skinny jeans and a slim fitting t-shirt, subconsciously trying to look cute in case he did end up coming to movie night. Anything to help my chances... **** I spent the next several hours fucking around with my guitar a bit, and playing video games, trying not to check my phone for a response every 10 seconds. The parents came home at some point, and I let them know what my plan was for the night. Honestly it didn’t matter, though, through the summer, I had basically come and gone as I pleased. It annoyed them at first, but they had pretty much stopped caring when I was going to be home at night. I think it was around 6 or 7 at this point and my phone buzzed. I froze in anticipation. Slowly I looked down, and the notification showed a text from Dylan. Fuck, fuck, fuck... I opened it, not even knowing what I wanted it to say. “Hey man, sorry, I was up early and took a nap...are you going to movie night?” My stomach tingled with some kind of emotion. Relief? At least he didn’t seem mad, but I guess we were ignoring what happened for now? I didn’t know if I should press the issue at the moment, so I didn’t. “Yea, Chris told me like 11 or so.” “Cool,” he replied, “Sounds like it’s just going to be a small crowd tonight, everyone is busy or gone or some shit lol.” “Their loss, I heard this was supposed to be a good movie...I’ll see ya in a couple hours then :)” “Fuck!” I thought, and almost shouted out loud, “I shouldn’t have sent the smiley face, he’s going to think I’m in love with him or some shit. Fuck! Am I in love with him? Fuck! What the hell is wrong with me, he’s one of my best friends! Fuck!” My brain reeled at his simple reply. “Sounds good man, see ya then.” No smiley, no subtext, no emotion. I pushed it too far and blew it all. Fuck. **** I started getting ready later, doing my hair into a sort of messy bed head look, but on purpose, fresh deodorant, checking myself out a dozen times in the mirror. I kept telling myself that none of this mattered and that Dylan didn’t like me like that, but I couldn’t stop myself from trying to look my best for him regardless. Around 10:30, I sent Chris a text letting him know I was on the way. I was debating backing out, but I convinced myself that I had to see Dylan in person. At least then I’d hopefully know what was going on. I started walking, my green converses crunching lightly on the concrete. The night was warm again and the fresh air felt good, helping to calm my nerves. The walk was short and I texted Chris again that I was waiting to be let in at the back door, since the front was locked up already. “What’s up dude! Come on in!” He opened the door and greeted me enthusiastically. “You’re early so no one else is here yet, but you can help me finish setting the film up.” “Sweet, let me grab a drink quick,” I said, both relieved and disappointed that Dylan wasn’t here yet. I grabbed a soda from the concession stand, and we walked upstairs where he’d been working, and shot the shit about nothing. There was a slight lull in the conversation and Chris looked at me with some kind of smirk. “So about last night....” he smiled. My stomach dropped. He knew about Dylan and me. Fuck fuck fuck... “I-I-I...yea?” I hoped with every fiber of my being that he didn’t know. “W-what about it?” “When you and Dylan were hiding...” his knowing smile widened. I was mortified. “Tracy and I made out in the woods!” Holy shit. I almost fell to the floor with relief. I must have taken longer than I thought to compose myself though. “Umm, hello?” He asked me, “Isn’t that awesome?!” “Sorry! What? Oh, yeah dude!” I stammered, “Wait, really? Yeah, that’s great! Are you two an item now?” I slowly regained my composure, but I was still shaking a little. Thankfully, Chris was too excited to notice. “I don’t know yet man,” he replied, “She thinks she’s into me, but also told me not to tell anyone. So, umm, I didn’t tell you that,” he laughed. “All good dude, secrets safe with me,” I assured him, “That’s still awesome though!” He was about to start gloating more when his phone buzzed. “Hey, Dylan is out back, can you go let him in so I can finish this shit up?” He asked me. Fuck. “Uh-umm...sure?” I mumbled uncertainly. My fucking nerves couldn’t be more fried at this point. Chris must have noticed something in my face. “Umm, everything ok?” He suspiciously asked. “What? Yeah, sorry,” I stumbled over my words, “I’ll be right back.” “Ok,” he replied, not entirely relaxing his suspicion. I walked downstairs and towards the back door. My feet felt like they were 100 pounds each. I reached the door and stared at the push bar and took a deep breath as I opened the door. I couldn’t lift my eyes until I heard Dylan say “Hey,” in a voice that I thought held a lot of uncertainty as well. I slowly looked up, and couldn’t help but notice that Dylan looked like he tried to dress better than usual as well. Anxiety aside, I couldn’t help but take in as much of his beautiful body as I could before my eyes reluctantly reached his. It was weird though, I could swear his face looked as scared as I felt. Neither of us said a word for probably too long, we just stood in silence, studying each other for something. He finally broke the tension with a small smile. “How ya doing man?” He spoke up, forcing friendly confidence. “I-I’m alright. How are you?” “I’m alright,” he paused, “Pretty excited to catch this movie, I’ve been waiting to see it.” “Yeah, ditto,” I replied, as the awkward silence started to descend on us again, “Listen, Dylan...about last night...” I started. His smile slowly faded back into nervous uncertainty, “Yeah?” He asked. I couldn’t read the tone in his voice. Disappointment? I didn’t know what to say or how to say it, when out of the darkness, a couple of our other friends ran up to the door. Dylan and I both jumped a little, their arrival breaking us out of whatever state of mind we were in. David and Tony, two guys from the grade below me. I knew them sort of well, and they were good guys, not totally in my circle of friends, but semi-regulars to movie night. “What’s up, fags?” Tony greeted us, grabbing Dylan around the shoulder. It wasn’t an aggressive greeting, just bro-talk bullshit that happened all the time. In this moment though, the word shocked me a little. I was coming to terms with having feelings for guys, but with everything that had happened, and Dylan and me maybe about to talk about it, the greeting hit a little close to home. I shook it off though and we both greeted them back. We all went inside, myself a little disappointed. As scared of this pending conversation as I was feeling, I was getting really apprehensive and needed to talk to Dylan before my brain exploded. Chris had just finished setting up the movie, and was waiting in the lobby when we got there. Dylan and I did our best to act normal, but he felt distant, and I had no idea what that meant. We joked around a bit and David asked when we were going to start the movie. “One minute,” Chris said, looking up from his phone, I’m going to go let Tracy in quick.” We all erupted in a round of “Ooooooo’s” and cat calls, which made Chris blush a little. “Fuck you guys,” Chris laughed, “Play it cool? For me?” He asked. I couldn’t help but give him a subtle wink as he walked past me to go get Tracy. I laughed a little on the inside, but I was genuinely happy for him, and the last few minutes had relaxed me a bit. Everything felt almost normal. A minute or so later, Chris and Tracy were back, and Chris told us he was going to go start the movie up. We all did our typical raid on the concession stand, taking more than we would even eat, but fuck it, we were young and dumb teenagers with unsupervised access to a movie theatre, what were we supposed to do? We all made our way into the auditorium and spread out like normal. Unless there was a ton of us, there was usually a seat or two between all of us, some closer to the front, most of us chilling in the back rows. It went like that tonight, with David, Tony, Dylan and me in the back row, and Chris and Tracy two rows up. There was the standard one seat between us, but I was tentatively optimistic that Dylan was technically sitting next to me. I kicked my feet up on the chair in front of me, and took a handful of M&M’s. I was trying to focus on the screen, but I kept glancing out of the corner of my eye, hoping to catch Dylan doing the same. The movie was going fine, a comedy, that was sort of funny, but less than I hoped. Our Mystery Science Theatre type chatting over it made it way better though. Probably 20-30 minutes in, the picture started to flicker a bit. A typical problem that we’d seen plenty, but it meant Chris had to run upstairs and adjust some shit. “Fuck, sorry guys, I’ll be right back,” Chris said as he stood up to do whatever magic he had to do to fix it. Not more than 30 seconds after he left, Tracy stood up, saying she was going to the bathroom. Once again, the four of us belted out our clichéd ‘Oooooo’s’, and Tracy threw popcorn at us as she walked past, telling us to go fuck ourselves. We laughed as she left, and continued to bullshit with each other more than pay attention to the film. After a bit, Tony piped up, “This would be wayyy funnier if we were high,” he laughed. Tony and David were sort of stoners, like nothing major, but definitely the friends you invited over if you wanted weed. “Fuck yea!” David agreed, “You guys wanna step our and smoke while Chris ‘fixes’ the movie?” He said with air quotes. We all laughed again, especially since Tracy had been gone longer than a piss break, and the picture had long since been fixed and looked fine again, but he wasn’t back either. “I’m good right now, but thanks,” Dylan replied. Did he want to stay with me I thought?? I shook the thought away though, but also declined. “Same” I agreed, “You two go have fun though.” “More for us,” David shrugged as they got up, laughing as they walked towards the back door. Once it closed, however, the awkwardness instantly soaked the atmosphere once more, as Dylan and I sat alone in the theatre. We were only two feet apart, but it felt like miles to my strained brain. I was trying my best to focus on the movie again, but having a huge inner debate on whether or not I should take this chance to talk to him. I was so buried in my own head, that I jumped out of my seat a little when Dylan broke my trance, moving to the seat right next to me. He must have noticed and laughed nervously. “Sorry! I didn’t think the movie was scary,” he lamely joked, “I’m out of popcorn though and don’t want to go to the lobby, so I’m gonna steal some of yours if that’s cool?” He smiled nervously at me, but his face put me at ease a bit. “Yeah man, of course!” I started, a little too excitedly, “This is way more than I would eat anyway,” I laughed as I passed him my popcorn bucket. His fingers brushed mine when he took it, and I swear I felt him jolt a little at the feeling. What the fuck did that mean?? I forced myself to breathe and tried to think of something to say. “So...” I started, not knowing what I was going to say. I couldn’t get my thoughts together fast enough though, and went for an easy topic. “Apparently Chris and Tracy made out in the woods last night,” I said, nodding my head towards the projection room. “Wait, really?” Dylan asked laughing, “Well then it’s confirmed what they’re doing now for sure!” I laughed too, and shushed him, “Shhh, don’t tell anyone. Chris told me right before you got here, but made me promise not to say anything.” He laughed and promised to stay quiet about it too. I was relaxing, but still wanted to talk about last night. I needed to know where he stood. His arm brushed mine on the armrest, and I lost it. I couldn’t help myself and started word-vomiting everything as I looked at his beautiful face. “Dylan, I’m so fucking sorry about last night! I don’t know what came over me! It was dark, and you were right about the adrenaline, that’s why I grabbed your dick, and I don’t know if I’m gay or what’s wrong with me, and you didn’t text me back or say anything so I know you’re pissed about it!” I couldn’t stop myself, and my eyes fell to the floor, ashamed, “And I promise not to tell anyone if you don’t, but I just want you to know that I hate myself for doing that to you and I promise I’ll never do anything like that again. If you don’t want to be friends with me anymore, or ever even see me again, I get it...” I was cut off mid-rant by his hand on my chin. He had pushed the armrest up and turned towards me. He lifted my face to his. My eyes had started tearing up with frustration and anger at myself, and they were too clouded for me to read the emotion on his face. Fortunately, I didn’t need my eyes. Dylan pulled my face in and before I even knew what was going on, and he kissed me. I could feel his hand holding my head close. I could taste the salt on his lips. I could smell his skin. All I could do is reach my hand to his head, holding on to his hair. He was perfection. After a short eternity that I could have lived in forever, he pulled back. “What if I want you to do it again?” He asked with a renewed confidence. I stared confused. I was on the verge of tears. “What?” I stammered, “But you looked pissed, and you didn’t text me or say anything...” I started to word vomit again. He stopped me with a squeeze of his hand on mine. Holy shit that felt so right. His confidence waned a bit, “I-I...was afraid that it was my mistake, that I fucked up” he started, “I wanted to ask you about it today but I didn’t know what to ask, honestly.” “But are you...gay?” I hesitantly pushed, not wanting to lose this moment, but needing to know more. He looked away from my face, unsure of himself. “I don’t know man, I mean, I’ve been having weird thoughts and shit lately, and after last night, I spent all day thinking about you...so...I don’t know, but I think maybe?” He questioned himself. Dylan was normally so self-assured and confident. It was my turn to reassure him, and I pulled his gaze back to me, and I pressed my lips to his. There was a moment of apprehensive hesitation to his body, but he immediately relaxed. We started making out, alone in the dark with some lame ass movie playing in the background. One of his hands held my head, his fingers playing with my shaggy hair. His other hand moved to my waist and he pushed my shirt up enough so he could feel my skin. I returned the affection, one of my hands on his waist as well, my other on his thigh, rubbing the denim of his pants. My hand moved without a thought from me, and instinctively went for Dylan’s crotch. I could feel his hard-on through the fabric, and he moaned softly as I cupped his dick. He moved his hand from my waist as we continued to make out passionately. This was unreal, and I couldn’t believe that this was happening for a second time. I felt him slip his fingers in the top of the waist of my pants, grabbing me by the belt and pulling me closer to him. His fingers combed through my closely trimmed pubes, and grazed my boner. He felt so good. I turned my hand around and slid it down the front of his pants as well. His cock felt perfect in my hand. I rubbed it softly, and used my other hand to undo the button of his pants. With a little more room to work now, I pulled his dick up, so the tip was showing over the waistband of his underwear. I had to stop kissing him to gaze at it, and it was just as perfect as the night before. The sight of his cock poking straight up against his pelvis made my own dick ache to be freed from their skinny jeans prison. He rubbed my cock through my jeans, and I moaned softly myself. I pulled him even closer still, I wanted our bodies to merge into one. We kissed again, his tongue slipping into my mouth. Dylan was an amazing kisser, and I only hoped that I was holding up my end. To my dismay, he pulled back, but I was quickly relieved when he took both hands to start undoing my belt and pants. I leaned back, giving him easier access, and a moment later, his goal was reached. With my pants undone, he slid them down slightly, and pulled my desperate cock out of my boxers. It was his turn to stare out of pure lust. He went to reach for it but I stopped him and pushed him back a little, having doubt come out of nowhere. “Are you fucking with me?” I asked seriously, “Like is this some shitty prank?” I didn’t actually think he had the heart to do something like that, but this was all too perfect and surreal to be real. I stared into his impossibly pretty brown eyes, and they filled with a conviction that he couldn’t fake. “Never,” he assured me, “I promise I want you too. I don’t know what’s going through my head, but right now, I don’t care. I want you.” I could have cried out of joy in that moment, but thankfully, Dylan being Dylan had to make a joke. “Besides,” he said, motioning to his own raging boner, “This would look pretty bad on my end if this was a joke.” We both laughed and pulled back in close to each other. He put his hand on my dick and started slowly stroking me. I moaned and softly bit his earlobe to silence myself. I started playing with the exposed tip of his hard on, and was about to slide his pants down his smooth thighs. “Shit!” Dylan cried out as he tucked his boner away and stood up in one quick motion, “Tony and David are coming back!” Fuck! That’s when I noticed the streetlights shining through the open door. They’d finished smoking and were on their way back. I was frozen in fear. “You’re pants! Quick!” Dylan whispered to me from his former seat, one away from me. Fuck. I quickly and subtly shimmied my pants and boxers back up, my boner protesting, wanting nothing more than to feel more of Dylan’s touch. I managed to get everything tucked away and buttoned up, albeit uncomfortably, just as they reached their seats next to us. I looked over at Dylan, terrified that we’d been caught, but knowing the only comfort would be his arm around me. His eyes reassured me that our now-stoned friends were completely unaware that their ‘What’s up, fags?’ greeting from earlier was, in fact, spot on. “We miss anything?” David asked. I couldn’t have spoken if I tried in that moment, but thankfully Dylan was on it. “Not shit,” he replied, “This movie is a let down, honestly.” Thank you Dylan. I looked at him gratefully. Enamoured. Fuck, what is going on with me? “How’s your smoke?” He followed up. Tony and David both started giggling at this, clearly stoned as shit. “Pretty good,” Tony snickered, “Chris and Tracy not back yet?” “Nope,” Dylan laughed, “Probably getting it on by now.” He gave me the cutest wink when he said that, sending my stomach hurtling end over end with emotion. All I could do was stupidly smile back at him, so thankful that the other two were way too high to notice. Tony and David soon were transfixed on the movie, and apparently weed did make it better, because they couldn’t stop giggling through the rest of it. A couple minutes later, I noticed a glow coming from Dylan’s seat, and looking over, he was on his phone. A quick moment of jealousy washed over me. How could he just get up and bail on me? Fuck these two, who cares if they know we’re gay? And now he’s texting someone else? What the fuck?? My pocket instantly buzzed, though and I felt ridiculous for having those thoughts. Yes, I wanted him right next to me, and to finish what we’d started, but he did everything right. We weren’t ready to be ‘out,’ and he saved us from that right now. My phone showed the notification that Dylan had texted me, and this made my heart swell with anticipation. I nervously opened my phone, pointlessly hiding it low in my lap so the two oblivious stoners wouldn’t be able to see whatever he texted me. “Hey, so my parents are still out of town for a couple more days, and my brother is staying at his girlfriend’s place for the night. If you want to come over and ‘talk’ some more after the movie, I would love that ;)” I melted in my seat. This couldn’t be a joke, he WAS into me!! And the subtle ‘talk’ in quotes. He was so cocky, but not in a douche-y way, just perfectly confident now that he knew we felt the same about each other. My dick throbbed. I wanted to grab his hand and bolt out of the theatre. I played it cool though, and maybe a little gay: “That sounds great” and I added the kissy face emoji. At least I restrained from going full eggplant emoji. I sent the text, and watched Dylan open his phone. The dim light of it illuminated his face as he smiled before looking over at me. It was risky as fuck, but he reached across the seat between us and took my hand in his. I didn’t care if anyone saw, I was his, and he was mine. My heart raced for the rest of the movie, feeling the warmth and safety of Dylan’s hand. Once the movie ended and the lights came up, we slid our hands apart. I had to sit through the credits to let my boner subside, and Dylan stayed sitting too, I assume for the same reason. Chris and Tracy finally rejoined our group, looking slightly disheveled. I’m sure I’d get to hear all about that soon from Chris. We sat in the auditorium for a bit, us sober ones bitching about the let down of a movie, and Tony and David insisting that it got better for the second half, while still giggling at the dumbest shit. Tony and David were the first to get up and leave, walking out the back door, poorly singing the song from the movie credits. Chris, Tracy, Dylan, and I chatted for a bit longer, but I was really anxious to go. I wanted to get to Dylan’s house. I wanted his arms around me, and his lips on mine, his sexy body pressed against mine, his perfect dick in my hand. Again, he took the lead on this though. “Well fuck it,” he started, thanks for a shitty movie,” he sarcastically joked at Chris, “But I’m going to get out of here and call it a night. You coming with?” He asked, looking at me. “I-umm-yeah, let’s get out of here, my house is on the way anyway, I’ll walk with you!” I awkwardly tried to be smooth. Now it was both Chris AND Tracy giving me a weird look. Fuck I’m bad at this. I quickly finished, “Well thanks for the movie Chris, see you guys later!” I got up way to fast and started walking to the door, Dylan close behind me. I could feel Chris and Tracy’s eyes on us as we walked out, still trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me tonight. Hopefully after we left, they’d just make out more and forget about it. Once out the door, I kept walking, but Dylan grabbed my arm, holding me back. I spun around and stared at him, and he smiled at me. “You’re beautiful,” he said before pulling me in and kissing me in the privacy of the alley. I wanted him right then and there. I started to grab at his crotch, noticing that both of us were semi-hard again. “Hold the fuck on!” He said, playfully pushing me away, “Let’s get back to my place, then we can ‘talk more.’” We stared into each other eyes for a moment, in perfect silence. Was I falling for one of my best friends? My heart couldn’t handle these emotions. He took my hand and smiled that perfect smile at me. “Let’s go,” he said, knowing that I would do anything that crossed those lips. Through the cover of darkness, we walked hand in hand back to his house. My body was electric, not knowing what the night would hold, but all I knew is that as long as I was with Dylan, it would be perfect.